Beyond the Curse: A Conversation with Suzannah Weiss on Pain, Pleasure, and ‘Eve’s Blessing’

I’m so excited to welcome Suzannah Weiss, sex therapist, resident sexologist for Fleshy, and author of the powerful new book, Eve’s Blessing: Uncovering the Lost Pleasure Behind Female Pain, back to DO YOU ENDO. Readers may remember our last conversation about her book Subjectified, where we discussed the power of becoming a sexual subject and how we as endoviduals can reclaim body autonomy and pleasure on our own terms.

Today, Weiss joins us to explain how foundational myths, like the “curse of Eve,” have positioned women as passive sufferers in their own lives. She offers a powerful approach for reframing pain and shifting the focus toward pleasure as a radical act of healing.

Your new book’s title, Eve’s Blessing, directly reframes the biblical story where Eve is told, “In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children,” which sets a cultural precedent for female suffering. What was your motivation for tackling this foundational myth, and how does reclaiming it as a “blessing” set the stage for the book’s message?

Weiss: I grew up being told insidious lies about female bodies: that periods hurt, childbirth hurts, first-time sex hurts, orgasmless sex is normal, and being a woman is painful. I needed to do something to change this before more women fell into the trap of settling for such pernicious experiences that leave us feeling biologically inferior to men and prevent us from enjoying our bodies.

You write that “femaleness itself has come to look like an illness” and that women are often defined by their suffering, from menstruation to childbirth. For our audience, many of whom live with the chronic pain of endometriosis, this is a daily reality. How does your book address and challenge the cultural and medical systems that normalize and dismiss this pain?

Weiss: Endometriosis takes 10 years to diagnose on average. This is an abomination. It stems back to the curse supposedly put on Eve in the Garden of Eden: “Thou shalt give birth in sorrow.” This doesn’t even mean physical pain. The direct translation is something more like “you will have children anxiously.” Yet many people still call period pain “the curse” and consider it a rite of passage into womanhood — one to manage with Midol and deal with. Even more so, pain is deemed a necessary part of childbirth, yet women are waking up to the potential of orgasmic and ecstatic births. Why wouldn’t God want that? It’s medical providers living under false gods who don’t want that. I quote one midwife who overheard hospital staff telling women things like “you enjoyed getting the baby in … now you have to face the pain of getting the baby out.” Such framings stem from the puritanical lies of church fathers, not Jesus. Doctors need to wake up to the fact that they are not gods themselves, take a seat, and let women lead. A healthy birth requires freedom from external doctrines and the right to listen to one’s own body.

In our last interview, we discussed how women can become subjects, rather than objects, in their own healthcare by advocating for themselves. Eve’s Blessing is described as an “indictment of a culture — and medical system — that treats women’s pain as natural and inevitable.” How does this book build on your earlier ideas to provide women with tools to fight this medical objectification?

Weiss: One chapter of Eve’s Blessing explores the stereotype of women as “sexy but not sexual,” as Paris Hilton once described herself. Women are portrayed in the media as sexy objects more than sexual beings. It is fascinating how this portrayal spills into doctors’ offices. Sexual side effects are frequently neglected when women are prescribed birth control, antidepressants, and other medications — then dismissed as “part of being a woman” when women complain of low libido or anorgasmia. Procedures such as LEEPs can cause pain during sex but doctors don’t know this, so women are left confused about why they are suffering. Women’s sexual dysfunction gets normalized, especially in order age, when it can indicate major health problems. Gynecologists don’t talk about female arousal the way urologists talk about erections. Doctors need to treat women as sexual beings.

A theme in your work is shifting the focus from avoiding pain to actively seeking pleasure. Eve’s Blessing promises paths toward “ecstatic births, positive periods, sublime sex, orgasmic lives.” For someone whose experience with their body is dominated by pain, how can they begin to make that mental and physical shift toward pleasure?

Weiss: Pain and pleasure are not mutually exclusive. Masturbation and sex can be therapeutic for those experiencing menstrual pain and other forms of pelvic pain. Pleasurable touch also facilitates comfort during childbirth. I also believe it’s important to treat chronic pain conditions and other chronic illnesses with knowledge of root causes. Functional medicine tends to be more effective for this than mainstream medicine.

Cindy Gallop’s review mentions that you refute “no pain, no gain” in favor of a new rallying cry: “no pleasure, no gain.” Can you elaborate on what this principle means in practice, especially for someone whose relationship with their body has been one of conflict?

Weiss: This rally cry I created ties to my identity as a Christian and a Messianic Jew, which I deepened during a traumatic year full of Lyme flareups, Covid, and other health challenges. I live in Los Angeles, where many people in the New Age community told me I had manifested my illness, was spiritually unclean, or was reacting to an emotional ailment such as “attachment” to a romantic partner. I fell out with this community and deepened my study of Jesus, who died on the cross so that nobody would ever need to pay for their sins again. Christians forget this. Many still think women are paying with pain for Eve’s sin of eating the apple. This ideology has slipped into New Age concepts such as the law of attraction. I had a powerful talk with my pastor’s wife Heather about her experience with a miscarriage. She told me: “God did not cause this to happen. He allowed darkness on Earth, but when such things happen, he finds a way to turn them into light.” For her, this meant adopting a child. She did not believe in a punishing God. Another friend of mine who dealt with chronic illness told me: “I don’t believe anything I did called this in. I do believe resting and relaxing and being gentle with myself helps take it out.” They, to me, are true Christians. That helped me heal more than radical self-responsibility or any other self-blaming mentality.

Eve’s Blessing is described as a guide to help readers get back to a “paradise” of bodily pleasure they may have “drifted away from.” What is the first step someone can take today to begin that journey back to their body?

Weiss: Learn to expand your definition of pleasure to include many forms of orgasmicity. As my mentor Josefina Bashout says, life can feel like one giant orgasm. The taste of chocolate cake in your mouth, the water running over your breasts in the shower, the tingle of your partner’s lips on yours … this can all be orgasmic. There are limitless ways to orgasm: with your breath, your touch, your imagination. Do not judge your orgasms. I loathe the mainstream feminist standard that a “successful” sexual encounter means “achieving an orgasm.” It is a sickness to place any pressure on the body to perform during lovemaking or self-pleasure. Ride every wave. Shake through every peak and release. Feel the undulations throughout every part of your body. Do not count. Use your breath, voice, and movement to circulate sensation. Look into your partner’s eyes. Connect. Be present. Feel.

Finally, who do you hope this book reaches? Is its message of uncovering pleasure intended for women, their partners, the medical community, or all of the above?

Weiss: The book is primarily intended for women looking to empower themselves in their health and sexuality. Please share it with your sisters, mother, grandmother, and friends. Anyone working in the women’s health field also needs to read it to support and heal their patients rather than gaslight or harm them. Let’s bring Eve back to Paradise — not just to a passable post-Fall Earth.