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10 Tips for Talking to an Endovidual When They’re Flaring

10 Tips for Talking to an Endovidual When They’re Flaring


Sometimes, talking to an #EndoVidual is easier said than done. Here are a few tips for talking (AKA listening) to your friend, sister, aunt, mother, etc. when they’re having a bad flare day.

Ask if they’re ready to talk about it.

She may need to vent or she might be fucking sick of talking about it. Instead of bombarding her with questions (except for the initial: Do you want to talk about it?), allow her to control what she wants to share.

Ask if there’s anything you can do to support them.

She might need a lift to a hospital appointment, someone to help with her shopping, or even just a bit of company when she’s housebound. Endometriosis is very isolating and we often struggle to complete the simplest of tasks on bad days, if you genuinely want to help, just ask.

Don’t dig deep to try and find a personal struggle to equate to Endo.

Whenever you talk about a time you had flu or something completely unrelated, it makes you sound like a dick. We know you mean well, but it can come across really insincere when you liken our chronic illness to a minor ailment.

Don’t judge.

You have no idea what we are physically and mentally going through; we can try to explain to help you better understand, but you’ll never truly know. And that’s okay, as long as you don’t try to judge us by comparing your capabilities to ours.

Don’t compare us; Endometriosis is an individualized experience.

Some #EndoBabes have low pain levels and are high-functioning, while others have high pain levels and are low-functioning and everything else in between. Our experiences broadly differ. So while it’s great that your friend’s cousin Karen can work full-time and has a bad flare once every six months, that’s not the case for everyone.

We didn’t stop being us when we discovered our illnesses, but it may have altered our priorities.

We may not drink anymore because we found out that alcohol makes our condition worse, or we may have changed our diet to help manage our symptoms, but we are still us and we still have things we enjoy. Which means we will still nerd-out over “Game of Thrones” or “Handmaid’s Tale” (isn’t it terrifying?!) or whatever else just like we used to!

Chances are, we require more rest.

We’re not lazy, but chronic fatigue is a very common symptom of Endometriosis and needs to be taken seriously. Sometimes, our bodies shut down on us unexpectedly – this not only messes up our plans but sometimes we can barely move. It fucking sucks, so please don’t moan at us if we all of a sudden cancel. We don’t enjoy it, either and there’s no magic fix.

The way we socialize may change, but it doesn’t mean we don’t want to hang out.

We might not be the club rats we used to be, but we’ll smash a brunch and we’d be down for a killer movie night or BBQ just about any day of the week (that we’re not flaring, that is). How about a pamper sesh with cocktails – face-masks and mojitos anyone?

Children can be a touchy subject.

Fertility challenges are very common with women who have Endometriosis and it can be emotionally exhausting coming to terms with these issues at any age. Please respect that we may not want to talk about children or fertility. It’s perfectly okay to ask us if we do, but know that the answer may be that we’re just not ready.

Don’t give up on us.

We know it can be challenging keeping up with us when we have so much going on, but we still care and we still value our relationships. We might not be able to come out eight out of10 times, but on those two occasions you still bothered to ask, and we were actually able to, mean the world to us.

Are there any tips you’d like to share? Let us know in the comments below!

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