You Should Tell Your Significant Other About Your Pelvic Disorder

The first time I told my now ex-boyfriend about my pelvic disorder, I cried. We sat there on his bed and I cried in his arms as I explained everything. He had asked why certain intimate situations made me uncomfortable and I thought oh no. This meant I had to tell him.

How do you tell someone you love that you think you’re broken?

I broke down the basic information about female chronic pain and pelvic disorders. I told the stories of gynecologist visits that ended in anxiety attacks and tears. Suddenly, he knew all about the nights I cried myself to sleep and how I had convinced myself that I was broken and never to be fixed.

Now this boy and I had plenty of issues, but I will forever be grateful for how he responded to this information dump. He held me on his lap and whispered everything was okay. He told me that there was nothing wrong with me and that he loved me no matter what. We just fell asleep and when we woke up, he treated me no differently.

Sometimes we need to have those scary conversations.

Telling a significant other about a pelvic disorder or chronic pelvic pain can be absolutely terrifying because it can really affect your relationship. I was so scared that he would leave me because of it. My current situation means that sex isn’t really an option at this point in my life and the majority of intimate situations make me extremely anxious.

What I’ve realized is that my condition does not make me any less deserving of love. Yes, my condition means I bring some issues into relationships that are difficult to confront and choosing not to be with me is the easier the route to take. However, I am so much more than all of that. I was doing myself such a disservice by reducing myself to my pelvic disorder.

You are no less deserving of love.

I am an intelligent, involved, empathetic, hard-working, dedicated woman who deserves a significant other to treat me as such. I am not broken and I am deserving of love. We all have our struggles and while mine means relationships might be more difficult, it does not make me less of a person.

I think if we talked about female pelvic disorders and chronic pain more, conversations with significant others would be less scary. The reality is that a lot of women deal with these conditions, such as Endometriosis, Vaginismus, and so many more, but we never discuss it. This lack of discussion is what made me feel so broken; I thought I was the only one. Having these discussions and sharing accurate information can be terrifying, but it is absolutely vital.

Your disorder does not define you.

None of us are broken. We are all deserving of love and respect. Talking about your condition with a significant other can be really scary, but it is a necessary conversation. What’s most important is that you feel comfortable having it. You deserve a loving, respectful relationship. Your disorder does not define you.