Here’s Why It’s so Important to Have a Supportive EndoTribe

ByAngelica Young

There are days when our bodies are pleading with us to just rest. And sometimes, we ignore the signs only to end up hurting more.

Have you ever canceled plans at the last minute because you just couldn’t do it?

I’ve come to realize that unless a person has a chronic illness they will never understand what we are going through – especially when that illness happens to be invisible.
 

I recently had to cancel my plans with a friend and she was obviously upset. I could tell by the tone of her voice. While I was apologizing (and trying to smooth things over), my friend was trying to convince me that it would only be an hour or so and that I could come wearing something comfortable. It wasn’t fair that I was canceling our brunch date.

As the conversation went on, I became enlightened.

The first thing I realized was that this so-called friend of mine probably isn’t a true supporter of my health or wellbeing. (I say this because no one should back you into a corner and make you feel guilty for skipping a brunch date.) The second thing I picked up on is how valuable true friendship is. A true friend would have asked what I needed, instead of saying you’ll only be gone for an hour or so. The third thing I learned is that there’s a need for more education and research about Endometriosis.
 
My symptoms that day included the usual – back pain, pelvic pain, nausea, headache, and fatigue. This friend failed to see things from my point of view. I wasn’t canceling just to cancel. I was canceling because I needed rest. I had pushed my body all week with work, house chores, and looking after three dogs and my husband. My body was saying, “Okay, Angelica. You need a rest day.” And so, I took one.
 
I never think it’s a bad idea to take a rest day. When you are pushing your body all week long and continue to push it on your days off, your body will definitely start to feel it. Mine certainly did.

Unfortunately, when I now make plans with this person they always say “Are you sure you won’t cancel like last time?” and I never know what the proper or polite response is because frankly, I don’t want to give a polite response. Sometimes, I want to throw some shade or be bitchy because true friends don’t do shit like that – friends should be supportive and understanding.

It’s unfortunate, but I’ve come to find certain friendships are only meant for specific seasons of life.

There were the friends we had in high school (I only have about five or six close friends from high school left; Facebook friends don’t count), one best friend from college and one best friend from pageantry. Each of these women gets me. They check on me randomly and even send me care packages. These are the women in my tribe and they are all I need to get through a shit week. They have taught me that it’s okay to say no to people when I’m not feeling well.
 
Thanks to them, I am learning to find my voice.

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