An Open Letter to Endometriosis: I’m Flipping the Script
Inspiring writer, psychology graduate, and Endo suffer have been my…
Dear Endometriosis,
It’s been a while since we’ve spoken, but I’ve decided to change my viewpoint on life (thanks to a brand-new support group that I love.) And I thought you should be the one to know first. Instead of letting you control my life, I’ve made it my mission to find something good in every day.
How did it start? Well, I got tired of feeling miserable because of you. I wanted to kick your ass and kick you out of my life, but as we both know that simply isn’t possible. So, I have to live with you. One day I met someone who reminded me of what it was like to smile. That’s where it started. That’s the turning point that allowed me to peek my head out of the darkness long enough to realize that you don’t control my life. Even if you do have control over a few elements in it.
As the weeks passed, I noticed that I was smiling more. I could see and feel the support that I previously thought was nonexistent. I realized that my friends didn’t see me as a disappointment like I thought they always had and that my family wanted me around even when I was in pain.
It was never about what I could or couldn’t do — it was just about me being there. I also realized that someone should and could love me. You didn’t make me as unloveable as I’ve felt throughout the years. I’m not unloveable.
I started this journey by finding little things that I was grateful for. I found something to appreciate each and every day. I’ll admit, the first day was difficult. I just couldn’t find anything. Then, as I laid in bed thinking “Screw you, Endo; I’m a warrior,” I found one good thing — a simple text message that’d made me smile earlier in the day.
The next day I found my one good thing mid-afternoon (I’d eaten my favorite meal for dinner, which I hadn’t eaten in nearly a year). As the days went on, I added more and more activities and seemingly small nothings to my very important list of some things, such as watching my favorite soppy film, cuddling up with a loved one, and finally achieving my goal of finishing my book.
Too many of us are letting the small wins slip through the cracks. When chronic illness cuts through your life, the small things are all the big things. Now, I’m making it my mission to keep finding the good things in each day.
Signed,
An Endovidual Who’s Found the Light at the End of the Tunnel