Dear, Endometriosis: The Surgery I Needed to Survive Your Hellish Torment Robbed Me of My Time & Creativity

Dear, Endometriosis.

We need to talk. When you first came into my life, I didn’t want to believe the awful things people said about you. Like anything else in my life, I wanted to give you a chance. But six years of living with you has shown me that the only thing you do is take.

Throughout the years, I’ve tried to tame you with help from a number of treatments. I’ve talked to several so-called “professionals” who have no idea how to stop you or what to do with my body now that you’ve taken over.

It’s almost as though no one knows how to make my body mine again. And you want to know what the fucked up thing is? I didn’t realize just how many pieces of my life you stained until it was too late.

Friendships

My friendships have disintegrated over the years because I haven’t been able to be a part of the special moments in my friends’ lives. Why? Because when you decide to randomly flare-up,  I’m immediately bed-bound… Left to see their lives playing out on the screen of my phone. Scrolling and staring at the photographs I wanted to be a part of.

Career

I can’t blame you for everything, I know this. I’m still human and I still make mistakes. My career, however, has been put on hold three times in the last six years because of you. Please tell me what employer could put up with the ups-and-downs you put me through?

I was on track… I had goals. And yet, the surgery I needed to survive your hellish torment robbed me of my time and my creativity.

Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships don’t interest me anymore. I can’t help but think that introducing you and all that you put me through on someone else is cruel. Why should they be waiting in A&E for hours on end because I am in pain Why should they have to pace a hospital floor whenever I’m in surgery? Why should they have to see the mess I am during a flare-up?

What woman could feel sexy with your looming presence? I do miss having the support, I miss the cuddles. I miss having that one person who just doesn’t care about you and what you do to our lives.

It’s hard to find though, that kind of person.

Endometriosis, I don’t know why you exist, but you do. I don’t know why you chose me? All I know is that I have to keep fighting. I can’t let you win. I will control this and I will fight you. We all have to because, one day, we will find a cure and you won’t be able to take anything from us anymore.